One last try.

January 13th I go in for my appointment with a new G.I. doctor. I still have the symptoms I had 2 years ago. So I figured seeing a new doctor and trying this again is worth one more shot. I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. I already know a couple of the procedures I'm going to have to do. Not fun.
I've tried making this situation a light one. Laughing about it, joking. But it really does suck. It hurts so bad. Not knowing if I can make it home, trying to leave work early, not knowing if it'll be a problem during a date. Its no fun. I wouldn't wish this upon anyone.
Hopefully we can pin point this and it will be over.. or at least better. Like I said, one last try.

And hopefully this MRI will come up fine too. I can't explain to you how nervous I am about that.

Ah. Life.

Confident.

It has definitely taken me awhile to get to this point. Its an awfully cliche way to get there too. I've realized that no one is going to think I'm the best, better than myself. If that makes sense. I'm my biggest "fan" and my biggest critic.
Life is too short to think that I am anything but beautiful.
I know what I'm worth and I know what I deserve. And no one is going to stand up for me better than myself. I'm a dime piece, obviously! Haha. No, but really I'm the kind of girl that gets taken home to your mom. I'm not the girl who just gets picked up at a bar, taken home and then forgotten about. No.

I'm very grateful for the road that has gotten me here. Its rough, it hurts but its worth it! I have never been so content. Looking back at myself a couple years ago, I wouldn't have been able to call myself beautiful and meant it. So this is definitely a great feeling.

I guess this is what James 1 is all about :)

Dream.

Okay, I had the weirdest dream. It woke me right up. Its 7:19 but I woke up at like 6:40. Okay, this is what happened. Rachael, Lauren and I were at this house (not any of ours) all the sudden, in the backyard (I'm assuming) there were elephants and jaguars. Obviously, I was scared. (Oh, I remember that Rachael and Lauren weren't that concerned) So we decided to hide in a car. I don't know how, but then I was by myself and had gotten bit by one of the very mean jaguars. I only know I was by myself because I went to go look for Rachael. I found her at this dancing club bar. (Which I think the 3 of us were getting ready to go to in the beginning) So, once she found out she was concerned. So we started to head back to the house from the beginning and we asked these big macho guys to protect us on our way back. Next thing I know we are at the house. (Now, apparently sometime before this I had gotten bit by a snake and my parents decided not to do anything about it) So, Rachael just took me right to the doctors. I went back by myself but I do remember thinking that my parents and Rachael were in the waiting room. The doctor (who was an Indian woman, completely unlike my white male doctor) decided she wanted to send me to the hospital. She said exactly "I want to start you on an IV, so I'm sending you to the hospital) She gave me this weird harness that was sort of like a huge black padded thing that went on like a diaper. I went to go to the bathroom to put it on.. over my clothes.. (i'm stupid) BUT the next thing I know we are all at my house. (I know it was my house because we were all standing outside by the bush in the driveway.) At this point, Non-pregnant Esther had made her way here with the boys. My mom had called Grammie, OF COURSE, who was very calm.. which is not like her. Then Rachael decided she didn't want to stay anymore (had almost seemed annoyed) and left. So it was just my family and I as we waited for the ambulance. We were trying to get my weird harness on when I woke up.

I told my mother this morning. Dad was laughing and told me it meant I was crazy. Mom thought that it meant I wanted someone to protect me. I tried to find it in them but they "failed" (the snake bite) and I've tried to find it in Rachael too apparently. She thought that the big guys represented someone to protect me.
I think this dream is full of weird things I could interpret. I've been google-ing all morning and of course asked Christopher.

Sweetest Expressions.

I love watching my little Luke. He is absolutely adorable. Today he melted my heart. We were playing outside and he kept driving his "car" into a bush then, would run to me with open arms and give me a big hug, smile, laugh then turn around and do it all over again. I don't know why, but it just put me in the best mood. I loved it. Then later that day we were laying on the hammock, and he looked at me right in the eyes and told me, "Hey, I like you" and gave me a kiss! It was the sweetest thing ever. I almost wanted to cry.

:)
This made my day, so I felt like sharing!

Miss Good and Faithful Servant

As some of you may know, I have taken on a leadership position in my church. I am a trustee on my board now. I was "sworn" in the morning. I now have a 3 year commitment to this church, thus a 3 year commitment to Augusta. So all thoughts of moving away, are gone. I wanted to make this blog expressing my joys and concerns, and some of my responsibilities.

Joys- I am finally on my church board. I have had a desire to serve for a while now, so this is definitely fulfilling that. I've been wanting to know what is really going on with this church. To see it with my own eyes. Instead of just hearing it from my parents. Its not that I don't trust my parents, but I want to see it. I believe my church is on a verge of a change. Our stand in Pastor has challenge our church to come up with a new mission statement and to really search about what we think is the purpose of the church. Which is great, we've definitely needed that. My church is full of some amazing people. I'm more than happy to be apart of it. That church is home to me. I would never leave it, unless God left. Which He certainly has not. So I am happy to be apart of this change! I want to be used. I want to be an instrument. I've prayed that God would use me, He obviously has some plans for me, right here in Augusta, at that church. So, here I am.

Concerns- Now, I have some serious responsibility. I am a spiritual leader at a church. That is a lot of commitment. Leader, that word scares me sometimes. I am now held to a much higher standard. I represent this church now. In everything I do, say, etc. I am now a board member at First Advent Christian Church. Very exciting, and scary. It makes me want to strive to do better. I have been challenged lately, in my own spiritually life, to really be aware of my surroundings and what I'm doing. Now, I better be aware. Haha. I have some serious responsibilities. But, I am ready. I know I can do it. I can do all things, through Christ who strengthens me. He is by my side, so I know I will do well :)

Responsibilities- In a nut shell, I am in charge of the up keep of the church. I can also be creative, like plant flowers, clean outside, etc. Which, I believe, I am fully capable of doing. Now, thats just my label as a trustee. The big responsibility, is that I help make decisions for our church. Being on the board. Voting, in the light of what is best for our church.

Craziness.

But! I am ready and I am very excited.
My first board meeting is tonight at 5.
Here it goes!!


<3

not such a beautiful fairy tale

once, there was a girl. just an average girl. having the time of her life at home with her beautiful friends, making every moment last. she was going to be leaving soon for a long time and wanted so many things and memories to hold onto when she was away. she was falling in love. she was starting beautiful friendships that would last. she was happy. when the day came to leave, she was in tears. saying bye, was something she was not good at. she was forced to say goodbye to the ones she loved. it wasn't forever, but it was going to be hard. she embarked on her journey, not knowing what was going to happen. her time away, changed her life. for the good. but there were some major bumps in the road. she lost the one she thought she was falling in love with. she struggled to be happy. she struggled with what she believed in. she struggled to make a smile seem real.

before she knew it, someone came into her life.. and changed everything. he made her heart feel whole again, he broke down the walls she was trying so hard to put up. he made her feel on top of the world. he encouraged her to keep battling, keep trying. he made her feel special. different then anyone he had ever seen before. she began to feel like a princess, and he was her prince.

she kept it a secret, afraid of what people would say about them. they weren't a likely couple.. but no one could see how beautiful she felt with him. no one could see all the changes he had made in her life. how he got her through a rough time in her life. her prince made her so many promises, all which she truly believed he would keep. not long after she thought that things were perfect, her prince ripped everything he had ever promised away from her. he took every single promise, back. after everything. it was now all gone. her prince, who she thought would always be there..

changed his mind.

it took her awhile to finally be okay. shes ready to find a real love.

her fairy tale just hasn't happened yet.
this princess still has hope.

annoying losers.

Again, I haven't blogged in awhile. But because of some happenings today, I decided to share.

I was with some people I used to hangout with. I can't stand being around them. They make me feel so uncomfortable and they are usually very mean. Like,calling me immature. I was very happy and giddy today because it was Kayla's baby shower, so I guess thats pretty immature. I was also called a young little girl because I still live with my parents. I'm sorry that my parents didn't kick me out or that I have to move out, because I have a baby on the way. So yeah, I guess I am a young little girl staying at home and living for free. I was also called innocent, multiple times. Honestly thats fine with me. I'm sorry I don't have sex with everything that moves.

Don't get me wrong, I don't care what they say. In my personal opinion, I think they are losers.. who aren't really going anywhere with their lives. It can just get annoying. I'm just glad I don't have to deal with them all the time.

And lets not forget!! I got hit on by one of their other friends. Calling me hot, cute and baby girl. Uh, no. I am not your baby girl and I will never be your baby girl. Sorry, but people who aren't going anywhere with their lives just aren't my type.

Oh!!!! and, my hair now reeks of cigarette smoke.

Ughhhh.
Anyways, rant over.