Tattoo

I have gone back and forth and back and forth on whether or not I want to get a tattoo or not. I'm still undecided. So what I did decide on was to research it. If I were to get one I would want it on my left wrist. Don't ask me why, I don't know. I just want it there. Or my back, but like the middle part where it wouldn't be seen. Either would hurt, but if I really want it, it would be worth it. Or you know, I just don't know yet. Just somewhere where it doesn't look trashy or to visible. I'm not sure what I want to get either. Either a Jesus fish, Cross, Quote (Faith is moving without knowing), or some passage of Scripture (James 1:2-4). Mainly I would want one to remind me of struggles and how I got through them and how to overcome future ones.

Okay, Lets hear the bad news first. Well the obvious, the pain. If I were to get one on my wrist it would be shown and they could effect my job. I don't remember any of my elementary teachers having tattoos. If the equipment is not cleaned properly you can contract a blood disease from a previous user (i.e. hepatitis, or HIV). Skin infections and skin allergic reactions that can last for a year and if you get an infection you have to remove the tattoo. Now, the Biblical standpoint. We are not under Old Testament law, so Lev 19:28 doesn't really apply. BUT it still should be considered. And then I just have to ask myself, Does it please God? Is this praising God? 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (Our bodies are a temple)

The good news! If I were to get it, I wouldn't regret it. I would always like it and when I'm old I wouldn't be ashamed of it. It would be a daily reminder of my struggles and how I overcame them. It could open up some witnessing opportunities because of how popular tattoos are today. I could hide it if it wasn't on my wrist. Some tattoos don't look trashy, especially if they're thin.

Well I'm still not sure. What are your thoughts?


Thanks for Reading

My List

So, I will be home in 8 days from today. A week from tommorow. 6, 5, 4, 3, 2 and 1. The fact that I am going home so soon has honestly given me a boost of needed encouragement. SO I have decided to make a list of things I would like to accomplish while I'm home. If you would do me the honors and helping me with this list that would be amazing :)

*Spend the night with Rachael, some serious catching up
*Spend the day in athens with Rachael, Chris and Alex
*Sing at church with Mom and Esther, light the wreath and talk about BICS (Rachael attending of course :) )
*Meet Chris' parents
*Dinoland
*PICTURES
*Watch Bride Wars with Lauren, later with a trip to Davids
*Time with my Neill
*Date with Paige
*Date with Kate (hehe, it rhymes)
*Date with Jill
*Date with Chris
*Latenight talks with Alex
*Hangout with Kayla
*See Zack
*Many dates with Rachael :)
*Youth group
*Lights of the South
*A christmas party with ALL of my friends
*A seriously needed trip to: Sonic, Zaxby's, Chikfila (milkshake), Bojangles, ANYTHING SOUTHERN, etc.
*Time with my family
*Driving around
*Late night at some good old parks
*Visit Cornorstone
*An amazing christmas
*A new years party with anyone who would like to come!
*Say some see you laters and come back and finish what I started

I love you! I can't wait to see you guys!
If I'm missing anything let me know!

Thanks for Reading!

And learn to trust the One who writes my days

"I Believe In Love"

How long will my prayers seem unanswered?
Is there still faith in me to reach the end?
I'm feeling doubt I'm losing faith
But giving up would cost me everything
So I'll stand in the pain and silence
And I'll speak to the dark night

I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe

Though I can't see my stories ending
That doesn't mean the dark night has no end
It's only here that I find faith
And learn to trust the one who writes my days
So I'll stand in the pain and silence
And I'll speak to the dark night

I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe
No dark can consume Light
No death greater than this life
We are not forgotten
Hope is found when we say
Even when He is silent

I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe.

Dear God

Dear God,

Where to start? You know my heart already. You know my struggles. You know where this is going to lead me and what I'm going to choose, not only in a couple weeks but for the rest of my life. Its amazing to think how much You know me. You knew me when you were on the cross. It was my sin that held you there. All of my sin, and all of the sin of the ones you love. You took it on. How do I repay You? By being a stubborn girl, who doesn't trust you.

I don't understand why I am having such a hard time trusting You. To give myself completely to you, to rely totally on you. Why can't I do that? I think You're so selfish. It's all about You. YOU YOU YOU. Everything You want to the glory of You. I'm so selfish to think like that. I don't want to be glorified, I just want answers. I don't need to want, you are enough for me. More than enough. I'm so confusing. I'm confusing myself. You are obviously preparing me for something, I can feel it. Its in my heart and I can't let it go. I know You're testing me. You want to see how committed, or if I'm committed at all. This Christian walk is not fun. It's not easy. But I can't give up just because it's getting tough.

Please help me understand why this is happening and what I can do. Please help me to understand what You are doing. Please help me to be more understanding and willing to trust You, as hard, as pathetic as it is to be hard, as it is. Please help me to be more submissive to You. I mean You're only my God, My Father, My Savior who died for my sins.... Please help me to practice what I preach and listen to what I am telling other people before I expect it out of them. Please help me to make these decisions. You obviously want me here, so help me out. I can't do this on my own.

Please help me Lord, Please. I can't do this on my own.

Love,
Your daughter Morgan


If you're reading this (again, I'm not sure if I'll publish), Please be praying for me. I have some very big decisions to make coming up and it's not going to be easy.

God help me.
Please pray for me.

Thanks for Reading.

welcome to life

I haven't blogged in awhile. Mainly because I've had no time. At all. Between working 25 hours a week to pay for rent and food and christmas present (which unfortunately, I'm really sorry, will be cut short... I intended for getting so much more. I feel so stupid for not getting what I wanted for you guys..) I have school, which is cramming 2 semesters into 1. The worst. Think of how many breaks you've had from school, work, etc.. Wanna know how many I've had? ONE DAY. Since the beginning of August. ONE FLIPPING DAY. And I don't even get to have a break for Thanksgiving.. I have homework.

Christmas feels so far away. I want it to come so bad. I want to be home with my family, friends and loved ones. I want to relax, I want to have internet past midnight, I want to go out and do what I want BECAUSE IM OLD ENOUGH, I want freedom instead of stupid restricting rules that you get fines for for not following.

Now it is completely obvious that I am struggling. More then you know. Im trying to stick this out. I know that this year will do so much for me. James 1:2-4. "Consider it pure joy when you struggle." PURE JOY? are you serious? This is so difficult, the last thing I want to do is consider it joyful. But the end of these versus makes me stick it out. "Because you know the testing of your faith develops perserverance. Perserverance must finish it's work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." I know this year is making me a mature Christian. Who will one day go on to be a leader, a wife, a mother. And I want to become a strong Christian woman for my family, for my friends, for my future husband, for my future children.

I don't want people to think this year is torture, I'm just a baby. I'm growing up and I don't like it. Im being molded, and God is chiseling everything that is not pleasing to Him to make me His. And it hurts. I don't want to do this, but I am. In Lit we're reading Pilgrims Progress. We had to make up our own name that we would like to be called, My name: "Miss Good and Faithful Servant" I want that name. I want God to be proud of my works and when I enter Heavens gate He will welcome me in saying, "Enter in my good and faithful servant." I want my glow. I want people to look at me and see Christ. I'm struggling, but this is the walk with Christ. Its hard, its not easy.

I walk in two worlds. Pray for me. I'm praying for you.

Thanks for Reading

Opinions

Christians now a days, are something else. "Proclaiming" they are Christians, then they go off and drink and party. HMMMM, were they really Christians in the first place? If you truly proclaim you are a Christian, you won't live a life (A LIFE, not a phase of time) of satisfying the god of this world. NO, rather, satifying the one and true God.



Heres my thing on drinking. An occasional drink with dinner, when you are of age, is fine. Jesus drank wine with supper. When you are under age, and when you are getting drunk, thats where its a problem. Your body is a temple, impairing that body is not good... but hey, people are going to do what they want to do anyway. I mean, you are a Christian, you've taken on the cross and now are following Christ... You deserve a good drink every once in awhile, right? Keep up the good work of letting people know how Christians act :) (In Matthew, it talks about how the best kind of witness is your good works) Sorry about the harshness.



Believe me, I'm not perfect either. Who is? Jesus Christ who took on the sins (all past, present and future) and we are to be like Him. Last time I checked he didn't get drunk or do drugs or have pre-marital sex.... Christians are not protraying Christ like He needs to be. I didn't (don't) either, for a long time. I was being stupid... You know what "finally" convicted me? Being in church, still high from the night before. And you know what? I didn't stop there, I went on a mission trip and shared my testimony in front of my entire church family, friends, and even some non-Christians. It was all good, when I was still on my fire for the moment, and then guess what? I screwed up again. It's hard for me to admit that, because I can't believe I let myself hurt myself, others and most importantly God again. It only proves God's grace and mercy. How I see things, everything happens for a reason, a reason I may not understand yet.. And I don't live with regrets. Although I am not perfect, God is and He makes no mistakes. Everything that has happened is within the soveriegnty of God's will. Why sulk and regret, when you could rather praise God. As for me, I would rather praise God.



But the underlying point to all of this, I was NOT strong. I did not strengthen myself. Are you really strong if you do stupid things? No you aren't. Do you even care? Probably not. Should you? Yes.What will get you to stop? Probably something really awful, and if you sit back and think about it, that is absolutely sad. You say nothing will happen, since when did you play God? Last time I checked He's the only one who knows whats gonna happen... and you have no control over that. So yeah, go ahead continue being stupid and thinking you know whats gonna happen. Have fun with that! I am mean come on, Christians are a chosen ones, one who God placed His Holy Spirit to draw you to become born again and then saved (John 3:5-7) and how do you (I) repay him? Go off and be stupid, when we should be going off and make fishers of men (Matthew 28:16-20)



Point: Christians are Christians. Some are portraying Christ how they are supposed to, some aren't. I'm not perfect, and this is not me trying to judge where you stand with God. Not my place. Just my opinion on some things.

Thanks for reading.

P.S. I didn't want to publish this.

I stand in awe

I go to a school where we learn about God everyday. Theology, Old Testament, The Will of God, etc. I'm more amazed by Him everyday and what He does and allows us to do. There are things that I don't understand either. Like pre-destination and the elect. I don't understand, but He is the all powerful and knows. He is the beginning and the end. He had no beginning, it is so hard for us to try to wrap our minds around that because everything that we know has a beginning. He has no end. That concept is a bit easily for me to understand because I know that my worldly life will have an end, but my Heavenly Father will come again and I will ascend into Heaven.

I stand in awe, I am amazed by Him everyday and I believe I truly am changing. I had a meeting with the pastor here at the church and he said that its hard for you to notice a change because Im here living it everyday, but when I get home, people will notice. I hope they, you, do. I love being joyful and sharing the love I have for Him. His love, is the reason that we can love. He set the standards for love. He set the standards for everything and I want His best in everything I do. I'm so happy I've taken this opportunity to come to this school and learn about Him. Believe me, it is more then hard to be this far away from home. I would love to be home with my family and friends.

This is the first Thanksgiving that I won't be with my family back home. Don't get me wrong I'm looking forward to seeing my grandma up in Maine, I just wish I could have both. I missed cousins, my brothers and I'll miss both of my parents birthday for the first time. I've missed get togethers with my family, etc. Its so hard. I love them all very very much and want to be there. I miss my friends too, I miss hanging out everyday, staying out until 5 in the morning on the weekends, anything and everything. But going home would be the easy thing and
probably the biggest mistake of my life. Thank you again to the people who encourage me to stay when I wish to be home. The people here won't let me leave either.

Just because you're hearing or should I say reading all this doesn't mean I'm not the same Morgan you knew before I left. Yes, there might be a few things that are different, but its still me. I still listen to the same music, same personality, same crazyness, still here. Promise. Same friends, same loves, same "hates". It's all here. I might say there are some things that I want differently but I'm still working on myself. I can't wait to see you all, 5oish days now. Time has flown by and I want it to keep flying. The next time I blink, it'll be May 15. So let's close our eyes together and before you know it, I'll be home, for good :)

Thanks for reading :)
I love you!

Post Secret :)

*I'm a copycat :)
*I have made things right with everyone I've had conflicts with and its the best feeling in the world.
*I'm seriously thinking I might have a shopping problem, as sad as that sounds.
*Like my heart melts, literally, when I see something I like.
*So theres this guy :)
*I live in Massachusetts and I don't like it.
*I don't think I have one particular bestfriend.
*I think I have a bunch of really good friends, that cover different aspects of what I need in one bestfriend.
*If I think you're one of those people I call you my bestfriend :) or tabiff :)
*I'm falling in love with God everyday.
*I love being in the word and learning something new everyday.
*I love my school I just wish it wasnt so far away.
*I wish I could paint
*I'm afraid of/ have a hard time believing in/ don't know what love is because of something that happened within my family.
*I am a serious hypochondriac
*I am not fond of dramatic people.
*I am not fond of immature people
*I blush more then any human being should.
*I seriously dont like it.. at all.
*I'm pretty sure I want a tattoo, I just think I would chicken out.
*I dream of being a mother more then a normal teenager should.
*I am not fond of conflict, I try to resolve it.
*I love looking up lyrics.
*I love music.
*I love all of the people in my life.
*I've worn it since the day I've had it.
*I would love for you to come to Honduras with me.
*I would like to go skydiving or bungee jumping, doesnt mean I won't be scared out of my mind.
*There are a bunch of people I look up to, they just don't know it.
*I'm scared that I won't get married because I won't find someone who can handle me, or my family.
*I wish I wasn't so scared of singing in front of people because I love singing.
*I love watching romantic, cute, chick flicks and finding some way of relating them to myself.
*I thought about being a motivational speaker once.
*Some of the things in my past just seem like bad nightmares now.
*I had a bunch of these, but then the power went out and I lost them :(
*As sad as it sounds, I could not imagine my life without my phone or a computer with internet.
*I don't know exactly where all the books of the Bible are, I feel so left out at school. Thank God for tabbed Bibles.
*I really love surprises.
*But I like surprising more... if thats possible for me.
*I want my perfect date to happen. Wait, who doesnt?
*I have a layout of my dream house, and hopefully one day I can have it.
*Even though I'm "grown up" I think about being a kid all the time.
*If I had the time, I could honestly take 3 hours getting ready.
*I think I might die on Mount Sinai.
*I have more ridiculous fears then anyone really should.
*Sometimes I wish bad things upon myself so I don't have to do something (i.e. Mount Sinai).
*Whenever I'm really upset going shopping could remedy my pain.
*Again, I think I have a shopping problem.
*Patient, enforcing husband needed for this problem.
*I love driving.
*I think I would be pretty b.a. if I learned how to drive stick.
*And if I learned to drift.
*I go through phases, like lots.
*Music and drinks change the most.
*This is fun, I recommend it.
*I don't want to be in college, I'm going for my future. (Probably the same for alot of people)
*If I could chose what time period I could have grown up in I would pick the 40s-50s
*I actually like hospitals. I wouldnt mind being a nurse.
*I've always wondered what it would be like to club all night.
*I like halloween for one certain reason ( it aint the candy :) )
*I wanted to be an Interior Designer because I like HGTV.
*I want to own a Coach purse.
*I have expensive taste.
*It's sad.
*I used to think I was cool because I rode a scooter.
*I know I can be a brat, but I really am grateful.
*This probably makes me look like I'm full of myself.
*I'm really not, so I'll stop.


If you just read all that, I'm guessing you love me :)
Thanks for reading!

A new fear

So I believe I have a new fear. What is it? Losing friends. Whether they were a big or small part of my life. I just can't take it. I don't understand why it bothers me so much. I've "lost" friends to drugs, girlfriends, or just the next big thing. I've gone through it, why do I care so much now? Even some of the friends that I "shouldnt" have in my life, I just want them to know that I love them, I care about them and I'm right here if they need me.

There are a few of them that its my fault that we're not friends. How do I tell them I'm sorry? Would they even care or listen? I don't think they understand how bad I feel. Or anyone for that matter. And even if they did, would it matter? Would things really go back to how they were, or would that still be in the back of their head, everytime they saw me. I can't take back what I've done, all I can do is say sorry and hope they can forgive me, and eventually forget about it.

Friends... When I first moved here I met her. She was so different then I was. When we both hit highschool she went down a path that I couldnt be walking right next to, so I stopped. I met another one. She changed my life. I broke out of my box with her help. She was much more outgoing then I was and it eventually rubbed off. I met another one, our group hungout every weekend. We knew everything about eachother and grew so close. Then one problem and it was gone. They still talk to me, but its not like it was those saturday nights. The two girls that I mentioned are still here. One I have just recently been in touch with. And I was glad to hear her say that she wanted to come to me. She knew that I loved her and was going to always be there for her. She told me I was always a good friend to her. That meant soo much. The other, she led me to the friends I have now. She still means alot to me and I hope she knows that. Like the other, I hope she knows Im ALWAYS here. Maybe I just want things to be like they used to be... Maybe thats my problem, holding on so tight to what used to be and not realizing that its just not the same anymore. I just wish things could go back. BUT, I guess. Everything happens for a reason.

I don't intend on blogging everyday, I just have a lot on my mind. So many questions I would love to just have answered. Do those people even know I question them everyday, probably not and I think I might just keep it that way.

Well, thats about it.
Thanks for reading.

Start!

Okay, so yes I've copied a few of you and decided to make a blog. I thought it would be fun :) Okay sooo where do I start. Well, My name is Morgan Bolduc. I just turned 18. I live in Massachusetts, as of right now.. but my life and the ones I love are in Georgia (and SC :) ) . It is so hard being 1000 miles away from home. Yes I admit, I've broken down a couple of times. Its hard, but I'm trying. Im counting down the days and planning what Im going to do already. I just can't help it, its a big part of my everyday thinking. Life up here is definitely different then back home. Its cold and most northerners are rude. But, most of the people I come in contact with everyday are really nice.

Oh school. I go to Berkshire Institute for Christian Studies, BICS for short. I really do love it. As crazy as it sounds my favorite class has got to be Theology. I love it. I have a great teacher too, so it helps. Even though I've come home many a time with a headache, I like those kind of headaches. The ones that get you thinking. I love my ministry too. BICS has you in a ministry program where you pick a certain thing, in my case the private school at the church called Berkshire Christian School BCS for short, and work a couple hours there and help out. This is perfect for me because I would like to be a teacher one day. I've been able to work one on one with the kids helping them read and count and I absolutely love it!

Living on my own has been a big thing for me too. Doing my own laundry, making my own meals, cleaning the dishes and house, paying my own rent... definitely different. Really makes you appreciate your parents. And everytime they give you some extra money its like christmas all over again. I was able to get some groceries today because my mom rocks! :)

Support, oh the support. My mom is my biggest supporter. I call her when I need advice or just someone to talk to and shes right there ready to listen and gives me the best advice. My friends have been great too. When I say I want to go home they encourage me to stick it out. Because this is going to be a great year for me. Thank you, you know who you are. I love you!

Friends. I have some pretty great friends. 3 of them I'd like to call the best. Its amazing how we've become so close over such a short period of time. Its hard for me to see them hangout because I want to be right there with them. I miss them more then they know. I think about them everyday and I can not wait to see them and have an epic christmas break. And not long after that, we have a whole new summer to spend with each other and I plan on staying there in the south to finish out my college years, so no more of this.

Okay, well i think that was a good start!
Thanks for reading :)