a day to remember

1/25/2010, I will never forget that day. That is the day I decided to rededicate my life to Christ. I accepted Christ when I was 8 years old and I don't remember it at all. I actually called my dad yesterday and asked him about it. My whole life after that I stayed as a baby Christian. Not growing. A constant path of "okay." Coming to BICS is one of the best decision for my life. I have learned and continue to learn so much. So much that I should've known. At first thats what I considered my growth as, by just learning more, but I wasn't applying it to my life. I had a heart problem. Just like what Paul was speaking about in Romans. "Keeping the law is not enough, it has to be from the heart." My heart wasn't into anything I was doing or had been doing or at least not as much as it should be. It is easy to praise the Lord when things are going well. When things started to go wrong for me, I didn't know where to turn. I turned to my mom, my friend, etc. etc. I wasn't turning to Him or His word. I didn't want to. I wanted things to just happen and benefit me. (Baby Christian). I just became miserable, my heart ached, I felt empty, I needed to be filled. Since I didn't remember when I accepted Christ, I want to make sure I remembered when I rededicated my life to Christ. He is my strength. And when things start to go wrong I will turn to Him and His word and His promises, instead of myself and my family and friends. (But I still will, but God first) I will be on my knees, good day or bad day. Everyday will be for Him.

One of the most memorable days of my life!


Thanks for Reading!
:)

To see God in everything I do.

I want to see the world. I want to travel. Before I turn 19 I will have been to 4 different countries, 5 if you count the Bahamas. I love it. Absolutely love it. I want to see so much more. I want to go to Italy, France, Ireland, Portugal, England (again), Germany, Australia, China, Brazil, You name it! I want to go! I think it would be absolutely amazing.

Of course this would cost crazy amounts of money. I have a passion of seeing what this world has to offer. Seeing God's beautiful creation other than here in the states. I'm so excited to see the Holy Lands. (That is, if I go...) To see where Jesus walked and talked. To walk the places of Abraham, Jacob, Moses, Joshua, John, Paul, Peter, etc etc.

I just want to travel. I want the experience of seeing everything, but not only to just tour but to help or accomplish something. I don't know what, just a thought.

I'm not sure, this is just a big thought. I would like to live in a different country for awhile. I think it would be great, but who knows.

We'll see where God takes my life. I'm just sitting in for the ride. He chooses all this for me, so we'll see. I'm excited to see what He's going to do with my life. He is obviously preparing me for something. Something that He is using everything that has happened to me this year (struggles, financial issues, stress, hurt, more struggles, in short terms messy situations) to prepare me for it.

I'm really interested in what Hes going to do, and can I say I'm a bit nervous? Yeah well I just did so, haha. But I am excited.

This is kinda a mixed blog... I tend to do that. Oh well, my blog :)

Well to update on me, because I can do that (:P), I'm doing well. I'm still in a lot of stress and worry.. My loan disappeared, then declined and now no follow up. To be honest I had a feeling that it was going to happen. I had a bad bad feeling about taking a loan. No offense to my mother I know she means well, but I should've stood up and said something about her getting a loan, I didn't think it was right. I just settled on the fact that she knows best. Not saying that she doesn't but God knows better. I have a feeling He had something to do with the loan disappearing. He wants to handle this and I'm going to let Him. I trust Him to do whats right. I'm just waiting to see what He does. (Waiting is not fun, btw, but hey I'm a Christian, its not always fun but its worth it in the end)

Lately a lot of people have been telling me that I'm strong. Thank you for that awesome comment, but I want you to understand that my strength is not from me. My strength comes from Him. I'm not as close to Him as I would like to be, I have to start working on that, I really do, but everything I have comes from Him. He takes care of me. He really really does. He looks out for me and has saved me from a lot. (Different situations, guys, "friends", people in my life, etc) I don't appreciate Him as much as I should.

He died for me. He chose me, for whatever reason I really don't know.. I'm not all that great, but He thinks so, So I'll take it. (Wow, I'm in tears right now), I really do love Him. I really do. He is amazing. As much as I don't understand Him sometimes and how I get mad at Him. He reveals Himself and comforts me and takes care of me. Believe me, following Him is no walk in the park. It's not easy. It's rough. Very rough, but I know the rewards I will recieve one day. One great great day.

I'm glad I came to BICS. If you asked me why I came here or why I decided BICS I will tell you, I honestly have no idea. But I'm here and it has been life-changing and I'm grateful for every minute of it.

I'm glad this is the new me. I love it. I love the new knowledge I have. The new respects I have. The new love I have for Christ. I love it :) This is what truly makes me happy. Being a follower of my Lord, Jesus Christ.

:)


Thanks for Reading.

"Be still and know I am God"

Lately I've had a lot on my mind. Questions like, "was I really ready for school?", "how am I going to pay for it?" "who will be disappointed if I go home?", "why would God bring me here, then take me away?".... to things like "would I really have been happy?", "what can I learn from this?".... and it goes on and on.

Last week was a very rough week for me. I can't explain it at all. I started feeling all of the pressure and stress and hurt from everything and realized I wasn't as strong as I thought I was, I just felt defeated. I felt weak. I didn't know what to do and I didn't want to talk to God, I didn't want to seek guidance. I was stubborn, but whats new? It was then that He showed me that He is my strength. He is my control. He is my rock. He took care of everything. The money, the hurt, everything. I felt my burden being lifted and I am so grateful.

My God is my love. I strongly believe that and I am happy that I becoming a different person. A better person. Why should I care that you don't think I'm worth it? Why should I care that people will look at me differently? Why should I care what people think? I've done that way way way too much. I let other people decide my life. I let what other people think make my decisions and decide what I do. Its so pathetic. Is it really that hard to be my own person?

This year I want to find myself. Who I am. Who makes me happy. Who really matters, and who I decide to love. If I put God first, everything else will fall into place. If you don't like who I am and who I'm becoming then I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you don't think this is a good person, a person worth loving, a person worth being around, a person worth giving your respect. I'm sorry.

I love God. I do. He is amazing. He is love. He is just. He is merciful. He is grace. He is kind. He is happiness. He is my happiness. He is my first love. He is the one who is always with me and has always thought I am worth dying for. He is the one for me. I hope He is the one for you. He can be your everything too.

I'm glad that everything that has happened to me has happened. It showed me a lot of things. It showed me what God can do and what He saves me from (and with that, I should pray that I don't keep falling into the same mistakes).

"Be still and know I am God", this has become my favorite verse. It's helped me through so much. It helped me with the stress. It helped me with the questions. It helped me with the hurt. And I know it will continue to help me.

I love who I'm becoming. I love the new people that will come into my life. I love the people who think I'm worth it. I love my God.

"The waves surround me, I'm slowly drowning as I'm crying out for help. Grabbing hold of anything that looks like it can carry me through the night. And I, I look up and then I see Your hand reaching for me, then I sing. My Jesus, my Father, The one who is stronger than the storm. My hero, my only hope, You are my Savior."
:)

Thanks for Reading :)

My 2009

Okay so Rachael and Paige did this, annnnnnddddd I thought it was a good idea, soooo I'm gonna do it too.
:):):)

-I got really sick
-Had my first surgery
-Missed 47 days of school
-A cheating boyfriend
-Disappointed my parents
-Almost went to jail
-Went to prom
-Had my last chorus concert
-Graduated from high school
-Sang in a funeral
-Visited jail maybe a bit too much
-Had an amazing summer
-Got close to some amazing people
-Left home for college
-Realized how much my parents do for me
-Trip to Boston, MA
-Got surprised at Friendly's
-Enjoyed Thanksgiving at Meme's
-Trip to NYC
-"First solo flight" :)
-Had a great Christmas
-Was able to spend time with some awesome people
-Thought I found someone great
-Had a great New Years!
-Happy 2010!


How I would like 2010 to go:
-Hopefully not miss people to much, as in, learn to rely more on God
-Go to the Holy Lands and enjoy every minute of it
-Finish BICS
-Have a great trip visiting family
-Have another amazing summer
-Start ASU with NO complications
-Stay single, yes please.
-Thanksgiving in Augusta
-Christmas in Maine
-Bring on 2011 :)


Haha, mine was a bit different.
:)
Thanks for Reading!