I've got a fire in my eyes

Today marks 1 month since I've been home and so much has changed. The most obvious change, I'm home. It's good to be home. I missed everyone so much. Next obvious change, I'm taken. And by an absolutely amazing guy. He is who I have been praying for. I am so happy, I haven't been this happy in a long time. I love you Nolan. The next change unfortunately, I'm starting to change. I'm falling back into some of my old habits. I'm cussing. I'm listening to the same crap music. And I'm not devoting my every day to Christ. At BICS it was so easy to be surrounded by strong Christians. Its so easy to read the Bible every day. Its so easy to be picked up after I start to fall back.

Here at home, its not so easy. I don't have those people to keep me accountable, who will pick me up. I, myself, have been getting lazy. I've read my Bible one night since I've been back. Nolan and I said we were going to do devotions together, but haven't kept it up. I need to keep myself up. I have to stop being so lazy about it. I had such big plans for my life and how I was going to impact everyone around me with my change, I've failed to do that. It's an awful feeling.
I hate that I've been a disappointment, that I'm being a hypocrite.

I plan on keeping myself accountable. I have got to keep myself in check and stop being so lazy. It's hurting me. I'm starting a change.
I'm changing:
what I listen to.
what I say.
how I spend my time.
how I impact.
how I'm involved.
what I watch.
what I put up with.

I want to be able to show people Christ, in any way I can. But even at my best, I'm no where near how amazing He is. There is only so much I can show, and He has to do the rest.
I'm so sorry to you who are reading this and the disappointment or hypocrite I have been. I hope you can forgive me, and I hope I can be better.

Thanks.