"Be still and know I am God"

Lately I've had a lot on my mind. Questions like, "was I really ready for school?", "how am I going to pay for it?" "who will be disappointed if I go home?", "why would God bring me here, then take me away?".... to things like "would I really have been happy?", "what can I learn from this?".... and it goes on and on.

Last week was a very rough week for me. I can't explain it at all. I started feeling all of the pressure and stress and hurt from everything and realized I wasn't as strong as I thought I was, I just felt defeated. I felt weak. I didn't know what to do and I didn't want to talk to God, I didn't want to seek guidance. I was stubborn, but whats new? It was then that He showed me that He is my strength. He is my control. He is my rock. He took care of everything. The money, the hurt, everything. I felt my burden being lifted and I am so grateful.

My God is my love. I strongly believe that and I am happy that I becoming a different person. A better person. Why should I care that you don't think I'm worth it? Why should I care that people will look at me differently? Why should I care what people think? I've done that way way way too much. I let other people decide my life. I let what other people think make my decisions and decide what I do. Its so pathetic. Is it really that hard to be my own person?

This year I want to find myself. Who I am. Who makes me happy. Who really matters, and who I decide to love. If I put God first, everything else will fall into place. If you don't like who I am and who I'm becoming then I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you don't think this is a good person, a person worth loving, a person worth being around, a person worth giving your respect. I'm sorry.

I love God. I do. He is amazing. He is love. He is just. He is merciful. He is grace. He is kind. He is happiness. He is my happiness. He is my first love. He is the one who is always with me and has always thought I am worth dying for. He is the one for me. I hope He is the one for you. He can be your everything too.

I'm glad that everything that has happened to me has happened. It showed me a lot of things. It showed me what God can do and what He saves me from (and with that, I should pray that I don't keep falling into the same mistakes).

"Be still and know I am God", this has become my favorite verse. It's helped me through so much. It helped me with the stress. It helped me with the questions. It helped me with the hurt. And I know it will continue to help me.

I love who I'm becoming. I love the new people that will come into my life. I love the people who think I'm worth it. I love my God.

"The waves surround me, I'm slowly drowning as I'm crying out for help. Grabbing hold of anything that looks like it can carry me through the night. And I, I look up and then I see Your hand reaching for me, then I sing. My Jesus, my Father, The one who is stronger than the storm. My hero, my only hope, You are my Savior."
:)

Thanks for Reading :)